Fair... ?

So I've been hearing alot of criticism towards me keeping her so I wrote this to clear my head. It really helped surprisingly.

Fair-Under the English dictionary means "conforming to approved standards, as of justice, honesty, or ethics." So I ask you what is "fair" about being a single mother. I’m told that its my own doing and that if I would have been more responsible or careful that I wouldn’t be in this situation, and that this is the only "fair" consequences for my actions.

While it might be true that if I would have been more careful or responsible and wouldn’t be where I am now, I don’t see the justice in calling it fair. Is it fair that my child will have to grow up in a world not knowing where she came from, or the background of her family? Is it fair to take that knowledge away from her? Is it fair that I won’t be able to give her everything she desires because the laws of our society won’t give me help because they don’t see me as a minority, and her father doesn’t want her? Is it fair that my daughter will never know what its like to live in what our society refers to a "normal" family? Is it fair for me to have to explain to her that her father didn’t want to take the responsibility of her, or even acknowledge that he knows us? Is it fair that while we will struggle probably for the rest of our lives because of this, that he gets to have no attachments to us and live his life the way that he see’s fit? Where is the justice, ethics and honesty in that?

Now some say I could make my life easier by placing her up for adoption or fighting for child support, I know however that by doing this it would actually make things harder and more difficult. To even contemplate after carrying and nourishing this baby for nine months, getting to know her personality, and falling in love with her, giving her away to another family and never knowing or seeing her again is heartbreaking to me. I know that it would be something that I would never be able to get over or forget, and would haunt me for the rest of my life. While there are many people out there who do give there children up for adoption & I think that its great, its just not something that I could do. Now I realize by keeping her I’m knowingly putting her in a situation that she isn’t going to be able to thrive as well as in some other families or situations but I honestly feel that I will be able to give her everything that she needs, and that is enough for me to know that things will work out.

As for fighting for child support, would it really be better to force a child onto someone who has no desire for them, and make them become a parent when they are not ready? While I might not have been ready for this in my life right now, it has always been a desire for me to have children and raise a family one day, and while this isn’t the ideal situation, I’m learning real fast to cope and change my ways and my life to make this happen. I’m not going to put my daughter in a situation where I feel she wouldn’t get the care or love that she needs and deserves because I’m forcing her into someone’s life, and while I do wish that her father would at least take enough responsibility to be able to tell his family and friends about her, and acknowledge that he has a daughter in the world, I do care enough about him that I wouldn’t feel comfortable or right doing that to him.

So I guess the point of this blog is to say that next time you want to judge me, look down on me for my choices and actions, or say that these consequences are "fair" I would really advice you to think about what your saying, and maybe even think of things from my perspective. I know my life won’t be easy, but I know I can do it, and that I will become a stronger individual from it and learn more from being a single parent than I will probably from any other experience in my lifetime, and that makes me so excited to have the opportunity to have this event happen to me, and anything that you have to say about it won’t affect anything other than my opinion on you as a person.